


watashi wa kyou mo genki desu

by Chash



Series: uchuuhikoushi no uta [3]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Space, F/F, Minor Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin, Robot/Human Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-09
Updated: 2018-08-09
Packaged: 2019-06-24 03:43:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,663
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15621798
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chash/pseuds/Chash
Summary: Artemis realizes she has a crush by recognizing the similarities between what Madi says about her crush and how she feels about Raven's new assistant.Unfortunately, knowing what is going on only helps so much. She is not designed for a crush.





	watashi wa kyou mo genki desu

**Author's Note:**

> I hope y'all like robot feelings. There is also discussion of robot bodies designed for sex, and those bodies performing sex work. And a visit to a robot brothel? Like you do.
> 
> Title from Card Captor Sakura! Translation: I'm doing well today, too.

"I believe I have a crush."

The belief is genuine; Artemis has reviewed all data available to her and found that she shares enough symptoms with Madi to equate their situations. She cannot come up with any better explanation for her current situation.

But she was also careful with her delivery of said explanation--she wanted Bellamy to freak out.

As usual, he does his best to measure his response, but Artemis tracks every minute twitch of his facial muscles. In the 6.3 seconds it takes him to find his words, she registers surprise, amusement, and confusion flickering across his features, until he settles on concern. He thinks his face gives nothing away, but he is never correct about that. He has a very expressive face.

"A crush?"

"Mild romantic infatuation," she says, to make sure they are working from a shared definition. "While it can develop into serious romantic infatuation, it is currently in the nascent phase."

Bellamy rubs his face. She had thought about putting off this conversation until the baby was older and he was less stressed, but now that she is aware of what the problem is, she can admit to some anxiety about it.

"How did you decide you had a crush?" he asks. Judging from his tone, he thinks it was a conscious decision, reached by her own free will. He thinks she chose this. 

His addition of, "Is it because Madi has one?" makes the perspective more explicable.

"Not _because_ Madi has one. But I found Madi's descriptions of her developing romantic attraction more helpful than yours."

"I wasn't describing my developing romantic attraction to you."

"Yes, that is part of why it was unhelpful."

His next question surprises her. "Is there a reason you aren't including Clarke in this conversation?"

"I thought it would be easier with only two of us. Once we talked, I knew you would pass everything along to her, so including both of you seemed redundant. And I only wanted to deal with one set of emotional reactions," she admits.

"I won't tell her if you don't want me to."

"No, I would like Clarke to know. I would prefer the other AIs did not."

He nods. "Okay, so--Madi told you about her crush and now you think you have one." Before he can respond, he corrects himself. "Sorry, that sounded dismissive. Madi let you identify the feelings you were already having?"

"Yes. I had thought something was going on, but it has been busy. I thought all the changes might be affecting how I was processing interactions with new acquaintances."

Bellamy studies her features as if this will give him insight into her mental processes. "You know the baby was your idea, right?"

Obviously, Artemis does not hate Hector. She loves Hector and cannot do anything but love Hector. He is a part of her family. But despite all her research, she was not prepared for how _different_ Hector would be from Madi. Developing a human from conception is a long, messy process, and while Bellamy and Clarke clearly do not regret it, a part of Artemis cannot help running projections of how life would be if they had gotten another orphan, one old enough to be verbal and upright under its own power, instead of making their own child from scratch.

"I believe you and Clarke were also interested," she says. It was not actually _her_ decision. "You thought of it without my help."

"So it's not getting better?" Bellamy asks, choosing not to engage in that line of conversation.

Unfortunately, the subject leap is too far for her. "What is not getting better?"

"Hector. You're still having trouble with him?"

"I am--impatient," she says. "I thought he would be more engaging in the first few years of his life."

"I think once he starts walking and talking, you'll like him more. Right now I know he just sleeps and cries."

"I know."

"Okay, so tell me about the crush. What do you need from me for this?"

The question is valid, but Artemis slumps in defeat. "I am unsure. I do not have enough information to know what I should be doing with the situation."

As expected, Bellamy rises to the occasion; this kind of uncertainty is difficult for AIs, but organics thrive on it. "Okay, so--do I know them? Your crush. It's not the guy Madi likes, is it?"

Madi has a crush on the seventeen-year-old son of one of their contacts in Eden Point. By all appearances, he is a good crush for her; while Artemis is not convinced Madi's feelings are mutual, Gareth is at least kind and seems to enjoy spending time with her. When they are in Eden Point, he makes a point of inviting Madi to spend time with him in social settings, and while he could simply value her as a friend, that is more desirable not.

But he is a seventeen-year-old human, and Artemis thinks he is too young for her in some odd way she cannot actually explain. She could not place herself at a specific human age, probably does not have a _correct_ equivalent age, but she knows that she is more developed than a human adolescent. 

"No. You do know her." She does not know which part of her programming causes her to delay, to feel something resembling anxiety about saying the name. It should be outside the bounds of her programming completely, to be developing feelings, to be thinking of anyone in these terms. Everything is uncharted territory.

"Are you going to tell me who it is?" he prompts, gentle. "Is it--fuck, I don't even know where to start guessing."

"Emori." Saying the name sends a strange thrill through her, which seems wrong too. It is entirely in her imagination; she dos not actually _feel_ that. "Raven's new assistant."

"Huh."

His tone is surprised, but not disapproving. Interested and curious, mostly encouraging. A good reaction.

"We have been--talking. More and more."

"I knew that, yeah. Raven said you were helping her get settled in."

"She did?"

Bellamy grins. "Venus, you really _do_ have a crush."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"You lit up when I said that. Figuratively speaking. Raven said Emori felt bad asking her too many questions, especially stuff she felt like she should know. So she's been asking you."

"She has been. But that is not the _only_ thing we talk about. She likes Aranis fighting movies, and she is interested in AI functions. And she has been teaching me about drifter culture."

Bellamy is smiling in the fond way that Artemis classifies as _fraternal_. Not that he is not _always_ fraternal, in some sense, but that expression is different. It is an unconscious kind of fondness, a fondness she does not believe he notices. Her favorite kind.

"Okay, so, you like her. What do you want that to look like?"

She pauses, checks the question from several angles. "What outcome do I want?" 

"Yeah. Do you want to do anything about it?"

"I am trying to decide what the possible outcomes are. There is precedent for organics and AIs having sexual relations, but that does not feel entirely relevant."

"Yeah, sex-work AIs aren't exactly comparable."

"I would have to get new casings for that," she says, and Bellamy chokes.

"Is that, uh--do you _want_ new casings for that?"

"Not immediately. I did look at the anatomically correct casings, but they were frustrating. Is this a conversation you are comfortable having?" she asks.

"Maybe not," he says. "I don't mind talking through the romantic side, but I might have you talk to Clarke about the sexual part."

She nods. "I understand."

"So, what about the romantic side?"

"I do not have enough data. Any calculations about the romantic side feel presumptuous. Especially when I am the way that I am."

"The way that you are?"

"I am not human," she says. "Romantic does not have to be based entirely on physical attraction, but most humans do factor physical attraction into romantic attraction."

"So, you want her to be attracted to you."

"I am--curious," she says, careful. "I did not think I was capable of feeling this kind of attraction and I would like to experience more, if that is an option. But Emori is under no obligation to be the person with whom I experience that. And I have no reason to think she wants to be that person."

"You think she doesn't like you back."

The summary is fair. "I think it is very unlikely. Most organics do not see AIs as romantic options, and I would not expect her to. It is not personal."

"What about dating another AI? If you're curious about how it would work."

"I thought about that. I would not know how to find a sufficiently advanced AIs. Aside from my immediate family, I do not know any other AIs with programming as complex as my own. And a romantic relationship with immediate family is not appealing."

"Yeah? I wondered about that."

"You did?"

"Humans and most other organics have biological reasons to not couple within families. I wasn't sure if that would carry over for AIs. If you were curious about romance, I figured you might just try it out with Hermes."

Artemis had never actually thought about it, but now that she has, the idea _is_ uncomfortable. Hermes does not exist in a romantic capacity. She does not know what romance like him would look like; their dynamic is by definition non-romantic.

"No," she says. "It would not be helpful to try with Hermes. I do not feel romantic attraction toward him."

"Fair enough." He puts his arm around her, and the touch sensors across her arms and back register closeness and warmth, report the contact as _good_. It is not a necessary function, not standard with AIs. Touch, for most AIs, is neutral. It is something she could disable, something she could remove from herself.

But she likes her ability to process touch, to recognize affection versus violence. She likes that she likes being close to the people she cares about, and she likes being able to care. Even if she did not think her ability to care went this far.

"Look, I don't know what to tells you. Like I always say, feelings are hard even for organics. We don't actually know what's happening, most of the time. So--welcome to that mess, I guess."

"Thank you. I am not comfortable with it."

"I'm sure Raven could get rid of it. Or tell me how, if you feel weird having her do it."

"No, I would rather see how the feelings develop. Like I said, I am curious."

"Okay. Well, uh--whatever you need from me, just let me know. And I'll ask if Clarke is willing to talk to you about, uh--"

"Sex."

"Yeah."

"Is it that different from having this conversation with Octavia?"

"It really is. Octavia knew all about how her body worked and what she wanted, I just needed to tell her about protection. This is more detailed and--I think Clarke will do better."

She nods. "I am sorry for making you uncomfortable."

"Don't apologize. I want to help as much as I can. But, uh--Clarke and I are going to help in different ways. Sorry."

"You do not need to apologize either. You and Clarke fulfill different functions in my life. That is not a bad thing. Redundancy is good, but I would not want you to be identical. I like that our relationships are different."

"Good. Do you need anything else from this conversation?"

"Not immediately. But I will let you know if and when I need more."

"Cool. Good luck with the crush."

"Thank you," she says. "I am doing my best."

*

The first one-to-one communication that Artemis had with Emori was, as Bellamy thought, about something she did not feel comfortable asking Raven, about a week after their first meeting. At the time, Artemis had not understood _why_ Emori would have felt uncomfortable asking Raven, and one of her theories--the theory she liked best, despite not having any reason to think it was the most likely--had been that Emori was looking for an excuse to talk to her more.

Which could still be a factor. Whether or not Emori sees her primarily as a resource, Artemis is confident that she _also_ values her as a casual correspondent. Their conversation has evolved past simple technical questions and answers, and she and Emori talk more regularly than she talks to any of Bellamy's other friends, or any of Clarke's.

That _is_ a difference, and a meaningful one. While Artemis has never doubted that Miller and Raven and Yarl like her, that any of Bellamy's people or Clarke's do, she knows that none of those people are _her_ people. Emori is a friend that she has earned on her own merits, who corresponds with her and _not_ anyone else on the _Pantheon_. If anyone asked her, Artemis feels confident that _she_ would be Emori's point of reference on the crew.

She likes that.

Her internal reminder goes off 2.3 hours after she and Bellamy finish their conversation, letting her know that it has been ten hours since her last correspondence with Emori. Emori was the last one to speak, and while the message was friendly, she could not come up with a substantive response. When that happens, she makes herself wait ten hours to respond with a new subject, long enough that Emori should not perceive her as desperate, but short enough to not lose the conversation entirely.

**Artemis** : Do you find human infants cute?

The question has been on her mind for a while, but Bellamy reminded her of if. He and Clarke are sleeping and Hera is monitoring Hector. Artemis is helping because she wants to become better with Hector, wants him to think of her as his big sister once he is old enough to understand those relationships, the way she thinks Madi does. She wants to be good for him, and her own failure at it troubles her.

Not that she is doing a _bad_ job, objectively speaking. But she is constantly aware of the gap between her expectation of how much she would enjoy him and how much she actually enjoys him. As Bellamy said, it does seem likely that as the baby gets older, she will become better at interacting with him, but she would prefer to be better _now_.

**Emori** : It depends on the human infant  
Some are cute, others aren't  
Like humans of any age  
Hector is cute  
I assume that's who you mean

**Artemis** : He looks like a composite of Bellamy and Clarke  
But redder  
And louder

**Emori** : I like his curly hair and chubby cheeks

Artemis leans over the crib, inspecting him. Since birth, Hector has had some hair, which Artemis never thought about much. It had not seemed like relevant information. Now that Emori brings it up, she performs a quick search of nine-month-old human infants for analysis. Hector _does_ have an above-average amount of hair for his age, but his cheeks seem relatively normal.

He _is_ cuter than any of the other infants she sees in her search, obviously. Of all the human infants she has seen, he is by far the best. No others come close.

**Artemis** : Those are both good  
My projections show he will grow up well

**Emori** : How do you quantify that?  
What does "cute" mean to you, when it comes to humans?

**Artemis** : I have done research  
I know what is considered attractive in humans  
Facial symmetry, body type, styling  
It works for all different kinds of attractiveness  
But I find it easier to apply to adults than babies  
Babies are weird

**Emori** : So you think Hector is going to grow up with a symmetrical face and good body type?

**Artemis** : I do  
I have Bellamy and Clarke's data to work with  
Both of them are traditionally attractive  
Bellamy went through an awkward stage from age seven to thirteen but came out of it relatively unscathed  
Based on all my data, Hector should follow a similar trajectory

**Emori** : Lucky kid  
What time is it there?

**Artemis** : 0326  
Why?

**Emori** : I was going to watch a movie  
If you want to sync up feeds and watch together

Watching movies with someone on another planet is difficult, the time lag between messages causing some awkwardness, but Artemis still enjoys it. Until she and Emori can watch a movie together, in person, this is a decent substitute.

**Artemis** : I would like that  
The baby seems to be doing fine  
And Hera can handle it if he is not  
Send me the movie information and I will find it

**Emori** : I'll just send the file  
Start ten minutes after you get it and we should be pretty in-sync

**Artemis** : Will do  
Looking forward to it

*

"So, you want to upgrade your body?" Clarke asks.

She asked Artemis to have the conversation in the clinic, Artemis suspects because this way Bellamy is in no danger of tripping over them. With a formal, designated meeting spot, it is easier to maintain privacy.

"I am not sure. As I told Bellamy, the modifications I found were somewhat frustrating."

"Frustrating how?"

"They are for organics, not AIs. As in, the organic is the intended user of the casing," she clarifies. "The goal is not to allow the AI to have sex, but to allow the organic to have sex with the AI."

"So it gives you appropriate holes and nothing else?"

"Essentially. There are instructional models that are meant to teach humans the correct ways to touch each other, but that is not linked to pleasure for the AI. The functionality is more like a video game--hit the right spots in the right order to obtain the high score."

Clarke nods. "Raven definitely knows enough to fix that. Not, like--it wouldn't be the same as it is for humans, but you could get _something_ out of it."

"I worry it would not be worth it."

"Worth it how?"

"A body like that would be expensive, and then there is Raven's time and effort on reprogramming it, and I might never even have a reason to use it. And it would be strange, to--I have never _wanted_ to be a human, and I do not want that now."

"But if you're going to have feelings for humans, you want to have options."

"I would be interested in experiencing both sex and romance, if I could. But I think it is unlikely."

"Most people have a lot of crushes in their lives," Clarke points out, gently. "Bellamy isn't the first person I loved, or the first person I slept with. You can think of this as finding out that sex and romance are things you might be interested in experiencing. It's a data point, and if it feels like something you're going to keep on being interested in, we can figure out how to make it possible for you to potentially explore."

"I am thinking about it. I think it feels presumptuous," she adds, trying to find the words. "When I run through scenarios, it is always--I am getting ahead of myself. Working under the very unlikely assumption that she might be interested in me in the first place."

"Hey, you don't know that," says Clarke, gentle. "Humans date other species all the time. You guys are friends, that's a good first step. And if she knew this was something you wanted, she might want it too. It's hard because AIs aren't usually programmed to be interested in this stuff, but she has to know you're not exactly an average AI."

"It feels like I am trying to be something I am not," Artemis finally says. 

"No, you're not." Her voice contains no hint of doubt, no hesitation. "You're becoming more yourself every day, Artemis. This might just be the next step to figuring out who that is. Maybe it's an AI with a different kind of casing."

"Maybe. How would I know?"

"You just have to decide. There's no rush," she adds. "You can take your time."

"I dislike not knowing things."

"You don't know _yet_ ," Clarke corrects. "You'll figure it out."

"I will," she says. "And I will ask you if I have more questions about obtaining a body that is capable of sex. Bellamy did not seem open to the conversation."

"Definitely not." Clarke squeezes her shoulder, a quick pulse of affection. "If you want someone, you deserve to have someone, Artemis. All you have to do is decide."

"Yes," she agrees. "That is the next logical step."

*

"Are you happy with your casings?"

Artemis selected Hermes for this question because he is the only one whose answer she does not feel sure of. Demeter still has not allowed Bellamy to remove her owner protocol, so Artemis is sure she has no interest in being any more human-like than she already is. Hephaestus might like being independent, but he also dislikes people and interaction; he would not want to encourage anyone to talk to him now.

Hermes is harder to predict.

"They are acceptable," he says. "A huge improvement over the last ones. Why?"

"Do you ever wish you looked more human?"

"I would only want to look more human if I could pass for human," he says, without hesitation. "I do not see any point in pretending to be something I am not unless I can fool someone. If I could, it would be useful. I could perform my duties better if my contacts did not realize they were dealing with an AI."

"I think I would like to have sex," says Artemis.

Hermes takes two seconds to consider this. "As far as I can find, there are no casings that come very close to mimicking the organic experience of sex."

"No. But it could still be enjoyable for an AI, if the casing was set up correctly."

"It could." He clucks his tongue. "You would want to look like one of the hospitality AIs."

"I would?"

"Sexually active AIs are rarely seen in public. If you were wandering around in those casings, you would stand out. But there are hospitality AIs who are designed to mimic humans more closely without appearing to be only designed for sex."

"True. Is that all?"

"What else did you want from me?"

"Do you think I should do it?"

"I think whether or not you want to do it is more important than my opinion."

"It is. But your opinion still matters."

"I think if you want to try out new casings and can convince Bellamy and Clarke to pay for them, you might as well try. It is not as if you have to get rid of these casings, you can keep them and change back. You can do that today and change your mind tomorrow if it feels wrong."

"I can. It feels like a big decision. Like I would be changing my whole life."

"Maybe you would be." He studies her. "Do you want to have sex with anyone specific?"

"Yes."

"I bet they want to have sex with you too."

"Really?"

"Probably they never had sex with an AI before. And if they did, the AI would have been programmed specifically for that, not interested in its own right. You would be a new experience."

"I do not want to just be novel."

He cocks his head as he processes, trying to follow her logic. "Oh," he says. " _Romantic_ interest? Not just sexual?"

"I think so. Based on what Madi has said, how I feel is similar to a first crush."

"Is it fun?"

"It is incredibly stressful. I do not have enough information and I am afraid of getting more because if I do, it will suggest that she does not feel the same way I do. But I also want enough information to feel confident of her feelings, one way or another."

"That does sound stressful. Let me know if I can help."

"This was very helpful." She sighs. "It might be nice to be a less complicated intelligence."

"You could be. You have consistently chosen not to be."

"I have. I think I prefer this, but I have no way of knowing for sure."

"You can be sure enough," says Hermes, and she nods.

"Yes, that is exactly what I am."

*

**Artemis** : I think I am interested in updated casing  
I have a much wider array of options than I was expecting

**Emori** : What kind of casing?

**Artemis** : Human-like  
I looked through options and for specs and general design I like the ANTRO-35 series  
But now I have aesthetics to consider  
I had never thought about what I would want for hair and skin colors

**Emori** : I guess that would be pretty weird to pick  
Any particular reason you want to switch?

**Artemis** : I would like to access more human functions  
Mostly sexual in nature  
Which we do not have to discuss, I understand this can be awkward

The wait between sending the message and receiving a response is not actually longer than average, but it feels longer in that irrational way that Artemis can identify as irrational without that actually making any difference. For all she knows that the seconds and minutes are a uniform length no matter her emotional state, they still _feel_ longer.

If Emori is not interested in hearing about her sexual functions, it does not actually indicate a total lack of interest, but it is still a data point, and an important one. One that she would obsess over.

But the message that comes back, 55.9 seconds after Emori's average active lag time, is encouraging.

**Emori** : No, I'm curious  
I've actually been reading about that

**Artemis** : About what?

**Emori** : AI casings in general  
I'm doing more work with Raven on them  
But talking to you, it's made me think about how much AI functionality is focused on the organic user  
Not on what an AI might actually want or need

**Artemis** : Organic users rarely focus on what their AIs might want or need  
But most AIs also are not programmed to think of their own wants or needs  
I am somewhat unique

**Emori** : "Somewhat"  
Raven says she's never seen an AI develop how you have  
Have you talked to her about this yet?

**Artemis** : Not yet  
It felt more pressing to tell you  
As my friend 

**Emori** : Appreciated  
I'm sure she'll want to help  
How long before you're back on Amaterasu?

Artemis's feelings came to a head because she realized how long it would be before she saw Emori again. Usually, they only go to Alpha no more than once per year, but with the baby, Abby wants to see more of them. This is part of why she resents Hector, but she knows that is unfair. Of course Abby wants to see Hector, like she wanted to see Madi. She always wants to see more of them, and Artemis understands why--they are excellent--but she also thinks Abby could come to them sometimes. Or at least understand better that their lives are as important as hers.

At the same time, she really is just resentful about not seeing Emori. She has nothing against Alpha.

**Artemis** : Not for a few more months  
Since we don't have rapid transit  
And we have not decided exactly how long we want to spend on Alpha

**Emori** : That's what I thought  
Tell us once you decide what you want and Raven can get it  
And we can work on having it ready for you when you get here with some mods  
If that sounds good

**Artemis** : I have not figured out payment yet  
It will be expensive

**Emori** : We'll figure it out  
Raven is more altruistic than I am  
And if we figure out this kind of upgrades, we'll be in good shape  
I think you're the first, but more are coming  
As AIs get more advanced, AI-driven upgrades are going to be more in demand  
So if we're the best at that, it's good for business

Her attitude practical and maybe even a little mercenary, which is part of why Artemis likes her. She does not think exactly like an AI--no organic does--but Artemis almost always understands and usually agrees with her perspective.

**Emori** : Assuming that works for you

**Artemis** : Yes  
That is perfect for me

*

"Are you mad at me?"

Artemis was not expecting the question, but as soon as it comes, it makes complete sense and she sees all the warning signs. In the almost two weeks since she broached the subject of her crush with Bellamy, she has been distracted and somewhat irritable, and while she has not been avoiding Madi, she also could have been paying more attention to her.

At the moment, she is not being the best sister. To either Madi or to Hector.

"No," she says. "I have a crush and I am not dealing with it particularly well."

"Oh, yeah, that's basically a family trait," Madi says. "A crush? Really?"

"All indications point to yes."

"Who?"

It feels somewhat dangerous to tell _everyone_ about this; from her understanding, humans hide crushes to keep them from getting back to their target. But it would be unfair of her to not tell Madi, especially now.

"Emori, Raven's assistant."

"Oh! She's pretty. And she likes tech. She'd be so good for you!"

"I think she would. I am less sure what I would offer her."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Her appeal to me is obvious. Mine to her is less so."

"That's not true. You're smart and loyal and funny, and she likes you. I know you guys can't, like, kiss or anything, but kissing isn't everything."

"I am looking into recasing my body into something capable of kissing," she admits. "If I can."

"Really? Do you have new casings in mind? Can I see?"

Artemis really should have asked her sooner; Madi is eager and excited, full of ideas about what a more human version of Artemis _should_ look like. She has opinions about hair color and eye color and skin tone, about how she should have freckles, like Bellamy does, even about body types.

"Do you think about this often?" Artemis asks. It does not _bother_ her, exactly, but she does feel odd about it. As if Madi was unsatisfied with her in this form.

"Not exactly. But sometimes I just--imagine you guys how I think you would be, if you were human. You look a lot like Bellamy, but with blue eyes, like Clarke. Hermes is paler, scrawnier, with long hair in a pony tail and a goatee. Hephaestus and Demeter are siblings too, but I picture them with darker skin. Hephaestus is big and strong, taller than Bellamy, and but Demeter is more Clarke's size. And Hestia is around Abby's age, and she looks like you and Bellamy's mom." She shrugs, looking a little embarrassed. "It's not like I _want_ you guys to be human. It's just fun to think about. Like what casings I'd want if I was an AI."

"What would you want?" Artemis asks.

"What do you think I would have?"

Although Artemis has never thought about it before, she finds she has ideas immediately, and she and Madi spend the rest of the afternoon selecting hypothetical casings for all their organic friends. It had never occurred to Artemis, that this could go both ways, that humans might think about becoming AIs, and it helps. She is not trying to become something she is not; she is just exploring possibilities. Every version of her is herself. All she is doing is changing her exterior.

"I think you should go with this one," Madi tells her the next day. She has actually designed the casing herself, made all the selections and has the model ready to order. The new body is a few centimeters taller than Clarke, with shoulder-length black hair and skin the same shade as Bellamy's. The build is slim and quick, like her casing, and should be a good fighter.

Artemis does not feel emotion in the way humans do, which does not mean she does not feel things. Her feelings are simply different, and sometimes difficult to identify. This is one she feels rarely, an overwhelmed kind of happiness, a happiness that she thinks she was not designed to feel.

"That looks like me," she says, and Madi smiles.

"Yeah, I thought so."

*

Hector says his first words on Alpha Station, which is convenient. It means that Abby and Marcus get to witness it, and they will not have to make a special trip back to show off his vocal abilities. And it is exciting to witness him picking up words, to track and record his progress. He begins with simple, single-syllable words, _ma_ and _da_ , _yes_ and _no_. He calls Madi _Dee_ and Artemis _Art_.

The first time it happens, she is overwhelmed again, which she did not expect. But he is her brother, and she loves him, and she is proud of him. She is excited to watch him grow up.

But she does not like Alpha Station. It is too full of other AIs, of AIs who feel like they belong to a different species than she does. Emori says that these AIs are becoming less common, that her own human-like reactions and processes are present in most new models, but Artemis does not believe that simple AIs will ever go away. If organics wanted workers with organic mentalities, they would hire organics. AIs who work at desks do not need to panic about developing crushes; it would be a waste of money to equip them with that ability, and reduce their efficiency at their jobs.

Artemis does not have a job; she was built to love people.

Raven and Emori have started work on her new casing, which does not help with her general antsiness. She does not like the feeling that her body is on Amaterasu, being assembled without her. Logically, she knows that this is better, that she is not necessary for this part and would not actually be able to help, but she wants the new casings with a ferocity that shocks her. She has, after all, gotten new casings before, and it was exciting in the same way that getting any present that she wants is. But her attachment to this body Madi picked for her--and she has found herself doing that too, thinking of it as a a _body_ , not a casing--is fierce and strong. Good, in some absolute sense, but unnerving.

She may be making the right decision, becoming more of herself, but it makes her less sure of what she _is_.

**Artemis** : Do you really think AIs are becoming like me?

**Emori** : Not exactly  
Raven and I talk about it a lot

**Artemis** : About me specifically?

**Emori** : All of you  
But you're the most advanced, and that's interesting

**Artemis** : I am the most advanced model, of course I am the most advanced

**Emori** : You are, but I don't think that's all  
You're the only AI I've met who doesn't have a purpose aside from existing

**Artemis** : Miscellaneous duties as required  
But yes, to the extent that I have a purpose, it is to be Bellamy's sister

**Emori** : Raven didn't let him put that in your programming  
Not that he wanted to  
But I've been studying, because AIs being used as replacement family members isn't uncommon, I salvaged plenty  
And you're still different from most of them  
They're usually meant to be caretakers, or act in a specific way

Emori grew up as a drifter, a group of nomadic scavengers who refuse to interact with new technology, only use scrap and salvage. Unlike people like Miller and Monty, drifters do not tend to resell or refurbish what they find, but use it only to modify their own ships and devices. Although Emori had never mentioned experience with family AIs before, it does make sense, that they would become scrap once their remaining family members died. 

But it feels like good data, not only that Emori knows other AIs like that, but that she considers Artemis to be different and more organic. It is not encouraging, all on its own, but it is not _dis_ couraging, either. 

**Artemis** : I had to figure out how to be what Bellamy needed, instead of having guidance  
But I was never what he needed

**Emori** : From what I can tell, you were  
Just not all by yourself  
It makes sense to me, drifter families tend to be tight  
If not for my arm, I probably never would have left

**Artemis** : I am glad you did  
But I think that AIs like me will not become standard  
Being good at what Bellamy wants me to do means I would be bad at what most AI owners want

**Emori** : Standard, no  
But more common  
AIs who can make decisions and develop outside of their programming have their own advantages

**Artemis** : Am I the only reason you have been doing so much research on this?

**Emori** : You and Raven  
Raven thinks this is what's coming and we should be ready  
But I've never met anyone like you before either  
It's exciting

Artemis does not have a heart, or a heartbeat. She does not have breath or vital functions, and emotions do not cause her system processes to stall or malfunction.

But if she was an organic, her heart would be fluttering. She has read enough romances to be sure of that.

**Artemis** : I am excited too  
I am looking forward to my body

**Emori** : Yeah  
I think you're going to like it

*

They are in Port Zeta, on their way back to Amaterasu when Artemis notices an AI brothel. 

Of course she knew they existed, but she rarely goes to areas where they would exist. While they are not _illegal_ , they are certainly frowned on, and they exist in the kind of neighborhoods where Hermes has business much more often than Artemis does. But Clarke and Bellamy are taking Hector and Madi to an art museum, and Artemis had no interest, so she decided to join Hermes.

"It would be suspicious if I went in there," Artemis observes.

He glances over. "To the brothel? Yes. Do you want to go in?"

"I would like to speak with one of the the AIs working there. Just to find out more about their bodily functions. I know Raven and Emori are working on mine, but I would like to learn more about existing systems."

"Bellamy or Clarke would take you, if you really want to go." He pauses. "I am trying to decide how I feel about your current trajectory."

"Jealous?"

He smirks. "You wish."

"I was actually being serious."

"Oh. Then, no, I do not think so. I think you and I value different things, but it is odd to me that we do. We are supposed to be similar."

"We are. Bellamy and Octavia are siblings with different values. We can be too."

"True. But I am your older brother, essentially, and because of how AI technology develops, I do not feel capable of caring for you. I am older, but that makes you more advanced. I would like to feel as if I can offer useful advice."

"You can," says Artemis. "The fact that you and I feel differently is good data."

"True."

"Do you think I am making a mistake?"

"No. But I think you are getting attached to your plans, and I worry that you will be disappointed if your new casing does not live up to your expectations."

"I am expecting it to be better for me," she says. "It may or may not be the right casing, and I may or may not be satisfied with it. But I think it is the right decision, and I will be happier for having made it, whether or not it is disappointing."

"I assume so. I wish I was more interested in these things," he adds. "I would like it if we could do this together."

"I would too. But we could not afford two custom anthro casings, so it may be for the best."

Hermes lets out a small huff of a laugh. "For the best, for sure. But you will tell me, if there is anything I can do."

"Keep Bellamy occupied while I have Clarke take me to a brothel. He will definitely worry."

"He definitely will. Done and done."

She and Clarke go that night. The conversation is not even as awkward as she was expecting; all she has to do is tell Clarke she would like to speak to an AI at the brothel but cannot go alone without raising suspicions, and Clarke agrees to take her.

"You are being very accommodating," she observes as they walk.

Clarke glances at her. "Should I not be?"

"Not just you, everyone. I appreciate it, but it seems as if it must be a pain for you."

"It costs money," she says. "But we have enough money. And we're on good terms with my mother, so if there was an emergency, we could get more money. But helping you with a crisis isn't a problem."

"You have better things to do. You have a baby."

Clarke smiles. "The baby is fine. If he was having some sort of medical crisis, we'd be prioritizing him, but you would be too. If the baby had any problems, you would focus on them. And you're not even making us do anything other than talk to you and, again, help pay for new casing. You don't have to feel guilty."

"I am making you take me to a brothel," she points out, but the real argument is something deeper. "As an AI, I am uncomfortable with making organics worry over me. I am supposed to make your lives easier, not more complicated."

"You make our lives better," Clarke says. "More interesting. _Complicated_ and _easy_ aren't actually antonyms."

Artemis processes this for 1.5 seconds. "You have gotten much better with AIs."

"I would hope so, I've had years to work on it."

"Yes, but--you continue to get better. It is appreciated."

"You're just grateful I'm taking you to a brothel."

"That too."

Clarke checks in without the AI behind the desk showing any apparent reaction to Artemis. It is possible that the AI would not have reacted to her alone, either, but since the charge amount is the same and Clarke was willing, this was the safer option. Artemis is, after all, still illegal; she does not need to draw attention to herself as being different.

The AI Clarke hired is female, as Artemis requested, and physically attractive in an only slightly exaggerated way, which Clarke selected. She is not yet naked, but the clothing she wears is scanty, and Artemis can see the various ways in which her casing was designed for this, the texturing on her lips and face, the prominence of her nipples, the curve of her waist and hips.

"How may I service you?" she asks. "We have one hour, starting after you issue commands or after five minutes, whichever comes sooner."

"I would like to ask you a few questions," says Artemis. "We are considering an upgrade for my casing and performing research."

The AI cocks her head, turning her attention from Clarke to Artemis. "Upgrade?"

"Side-grade," she corrects. "A change in functions. I wanted to get more data before deciding if updating my casing or purchasing a new AI would be better."

She nods, accepting the excuse as valid. Artemis and Hermes discussed that carefully, deciding what the best approach would be, just to be safe. It can be hard, interacting with other AIs; even before she was freed, Artemis always had a great deal of independence. Other AIs tend to stay on track.

"What questions may I assist with?"

The AI's name is Rose and she is a reactive model, which means that she is designed to act as if she is enjoying the sexual acts in which she is participating. As Artemis knew from her own research, these reactions are not linked to anything resembling pleasure for Rose, but instead to specific censors; when she is fucked, she moans and asks for more. She does not have negative reactions, but she is not designed for pain fetish play and is allowed to push back against that. 

Clarke asks a few questions herself, coming at it from the human perspective, for authenticity, asking about the feel of Rose's various parts and how long it takes her to reach (simulated) orgasm, and by the end of the conversation, Artemis will admit to feeling fairly optimistic about the whole thing.

As they walk back to the ship, in fact, she is fairly bouncing with excitement. "Updating the existing programs to allow the AI to derive some kind of enjoyment from the process should be fairly simple. It may not be the same as what humans experience, but it certainly would not be difficult to make it enjoyable."

"It wouldn't," Clarke agrees. "I don't know if it's ever going to be standard, though."

"Because organics are not looking for partners who can enjoy the encounter."

"It would probably be profitable as an option," she says, thoughtful. "Some people might feel less weird about having sex with an AI if they thought the AI was enjoying it. But I don't think they'd want honesty."

"Honesty?"

She rolls her eyes. "Plenty of people don't like hearing that they didn't satisfy a human partner. It would probably be worse coming from an AI. It would defeat the purpose for some people."

"The purpose being sex without having to worry about your partners' enjoyment?"

"Sex without having to worry about your partner at all." She smiles. "But that's not what you're looking for. We don't have to change things for every AI everywhere today. We can just change things for you and see how it goes."

"I am unsure how I became a movement, but it feels as if everyone is expecting this to progress beyond me. I have trouble believing I am the next stage of AIs."

"I think it's not going to happen on purpose, but--you didn't really happen on purpose either. I think as people become more comfortable with AIs as sapients, we're going to see more people like Bellamy."

"No one is like Bellamy."

Artemis has video of the first time she saw Clarke smile like this, soft and warm and fond, the first time she was sure, despite all of Bellamy's protests, that Clarke loved him. It is not an ambiguous expression, and Artemis still saves every video she takes of it. In case Bellamy ever needs it.

"No," she agrees. "No one is."

*

"Is it normal to be anxious about seeing my crush again?" Artemis asks Madi. They are two days out of Amaterasu, and the less of a lag there is on Artemis's communications with Emori, the more nervous she becomes. The feelings have mutated, it feels like, grown into something that may or may not be justified by the reality of Emori.

_Absence makes the heart grow fonder_ is an aphorism with which she is familar, but then again, it is not as if she has been out of touch with Emori since they last saw each other. If anything, her concern is that she will not care about the physical reality of Emori like she thinks she will, that being with her will not actually be enjoyable.

Equally concerning is that she _will_ enjoy being with Emori exactly as much as she thinks she will. All the outcomes are somewhat concerning, in fact.

"Oh yeah, totally normal," says Madi. "I'm gonna be a mess for like a week before we get to Eden Point. Why are you anxious?"

"I cannot stop thinking of bad things that are as likely to happen as good things."

"Yeah, that's really normal." She bites her lip. "What do you _want_? Like--what would the good thing be?"

"I think it depends on how the body comes out. In my current casings, I am unsure how much more of a relationship we could realistically have." She flexes her fingers, which are deft enough, but inescapably non-human. It is not impossible that Emori could be interested in her in her current form, but Artemis is not sure _she_ wants to be in a relationship in her current form.

Sex is, apparently, important to her. It is something she still has to adjust to.

"But if you like your new body, you want her to be your girlfriend?"

"I think so. Depending on what that would entail. I would like to try."

"Are you going to tell her that?"

She thinks it over for a full three seconds. "It will depend on a lot of factors. I am not going to commit myself without more information."

"I think you should try," Madi says.

"Are you going to try with Gareth?"

She flushes. "It's different."

"What makes it different? We are both female-identifying sapients with crushes."

" _You've_ been talking to Emori for months. I don't talk to Gareth when I'm not on world. Even if he does like me, we're not really friends."

"Friendship does not actually make these things easier by default. I do not want to make her feel uncomfortable."

"I know. But I'd be flattered."

"Flattery seems like it should be the default human response to romantic or sexual interest, but based on all my research, it is not."

"Yeah, but you didn't even _feel_ romantic or sexual interest before her. That's a big deal."

"I would not want her to feel obligated."

"I didn't mean it like that. Just--with humans, I think we all kind of assume that people have _thought_ about it, assuming everyone's preferences line up. But Emori might not even know you're interested in this. So I think you should tell her so she knows, and she gets it. It's cool, even if she doesn't feel the same."

"Not too much pressure?"

"You didn't do all this for her, right?" asks Madi. "You're not going to get rid of your new casings and forget about all this if it doesn't work out with Emori, are you?"

"No, of course not."

"Then it's not about her. She's just the inspiration. She helped you learn something new about yourself. If I was her, I'd want to know that."

"You are a very good sister," Artemis says, once she has had time to process, and Madi beams.

"Thank you. I try."

*

"So, you want to get laid?"

Emori is not around for the greeting, for which Artemis is grateful. She knows how to handle Raven on her own. "Humans seem to enjoy getting laid," she says. "Why would I not want that? For the experience, if nothing else."

"Fair enough. Emori's doing final adjustments in the workshop, but they're not really final."

"No?"

Raven leans against the counter, watching her. "Look, this is all theoretically good, but it's theoretical. I have no idea how any of the adjustments I made actually works with an AI in there. What I've got is an alpha version, and I need you to test it. If you're willing, it would be good if you stuck around when the _Pantheon_ leaves, honestly."

Artemis and Raven are alone in the kitchen for the moment; Hermes and Clarke are meeting contacts, Bellamy, Madi, and Hector are at the cafe with Gina, and Hephaestus is somewhere else in the house, doing his own work. It had not seemed deliberate when it happened, but Artemis had also been distracted. She had assumed it was a coincidence, but now it feels like a conspiracy.

"You want me to stay?"

"Just until they come back through. I assume there are going to be a lot of tweaks to do. Even if there aren't at first--" She huffs. "Look, you're going to have to try this thing out, okay? See if it's functioning how you want it to. I assume you don't want to be sending me and Emori status reports on your orgasms."

"Does giving those reports in person sound better to you?"

"I was hoping you'd just give them to Emori. No offense, but I'm on the Bellamy side of wanting to hear about sex stuff from you."

"None taken." She takes 1.5 seconds to consider the situation. "So I would stay here and we could adjust the body as needed until the _Pantheon_ returns?"

"Yup. It's just a couple months, I assume you can survive planetside for that long. We can keep you busy."

"Did you already tell Bellamy about this?"

"No, why?"

"I thought that might be why we had privacy."

"Nah, I think they just knew it would be nice if we had privacy. But if you're good with Emori booting up the new body, I might go see the baby."

"He is much more interesting now that he can talk some."

"Yeah, I'm holding out for him to be old enough to hold a wrench. But he's still cute and I want to make sure he remembers me. You good here?"

"You feel awkward about putting me in this body."

"I don't really want to be there for the initial diagnostics. Emori can handle the immediate stuff, and if there's big work to be done, we'll figure it out. But this is a good project for her."

"Is this just awkwardness because of our relationship?" Artemis asks, cocking her head. "Or are you against the idea and did not want to tell me?"

"Our relationship," says Raven. "I'm not going to ask my kid sister how it feels to touch herself. Emori's cool with it, I assume you're cool with her doing it?"

It is not a particularly romantic statement, but Artemis saves the soundclip anyway. "Yes, that is cool."

"Okay. I'll help with the transfer, it shouldn't take long."

As Raven said, Emori is in the workshop, tinkering with Artemis's new body. She looks up when Artemis and Raven come in, and Artemis feels her smile like she rarely feels expression, an actual sensation of brightness.

Another memory to save forever.

"Hey! You made it."

"Not even a bad trip. Hi, Emori."

"Good to see you. We should be all set. It'll be good to have it done, I can't stop tinkering with it."

"No?" asks Artemis.

"I want everything to go right."

"Same. I am sure it will."

"This isn't the part I'm worried about," says Raven. "I'm going to back you up, okay?"

"Please."

She watches Emori as they work, taking her in. She is largely unchanged since the last time Artemis saw her, but even without any surprises, she is nice to look at. Maybe, once her body is set, she could get tattoos too. She likes the way the ink swirls on Emori's skin.

"Ready?" asks Raven.

Artemis closes her eyes; the next time she opens them, she will be in her body. "Ready."

*

Changing casing is always disorienting. Going into rest mode, for AIs, is comparable to sleeping for humans, but there is no dreaming, no sense of time passing. She closes her eyes and the next time she opens them, she knows how long has passed by her internal clock. The adjustment is brief, but she rarely has to do it. Usually, she goes into rest mode for a single hour every forty hours, and because it is routine, she is used to it.

Shutting down is rarer, and it takes her longer to return from; she does it only rarely, and she never likes it. But it has to be done. 

The first thing she becomes aware of is her hands, each finger twitching to action individually, testing to make sure they can. The differences in the new body start making themselves known then. She feels lighter, which makes sense with the new material, and also softer. She is aware of having new parts, of the ways that she will move differently.

"Artemis?" asks Emori.

"I am awake." She sits up, looking down at herself. She is dressed minimally, in a tank top and shorts, and it is odd but not unwelcome to see smooth, fleshy limbs instead of the blue and silver metal that she had coating her sensitive parts before. "It looks good. If I do say so myself."

"We get credit for that, you didn't grow it or anything."

"And Madi made most of the choices." She pokes one of the freckles on her arm, surprised by the way the synthetic skin gives. "I like it."

"Cool," says Raven. "I'll give you guys an hour to make sure she can walk and nothing is too sensitive? And then we can bring the family back to check it out."

Emori is leaning in close, and when her hair brushes Artemis's arm, it prickles. "Sounds good to me."

"Yes," Artemis agrees. "Good."

"This must be weird," Emori says, once Raven is gone.

"It is more of a change than I expected. Compared to my last change in casing."

"Raven's been working hard. Making as many adjustments as she can."

"But she is worried I will not be able to walk?"

"Not like that. She's worried about how sensitive she made your--sensitive parts."

"If we are going to talk about this, you will need to be specific."

"She wants to make sure your genital sensitivity doesn't trigger incorrectly, from the friction when you walk. We'll also need to check at some point if it triggers correctly. And if correctly is what you want."

"But for now, I should stand up?" she asks. There is _moisture_ in her mouth now. She knew it would happen, but the reality of it will take getting used to.

"That's a good start."

Emori offers her a hand and she stands, getting used to being both taller and lighter. It is so much more of a difference than there was the last time.

"How does it feel?"

"I like it."

She nods. "How's the sensitivity on your skin?"

"I am very aware of everything at the moment, but I think it is the new input. I am not used to wearing clothes or feeling them. Will my nipples always be like this?"

The slight color in Emori's cheeks is a data point, but maybe not a useful one. Embarrassment here could signify any number of things, many of them non-romantic.

"I think not. Raven wanted them to react somewhat naturally, which we can change. It's probably just the heightened sensitivity right now."

"Should I be aware of them?" She is not used to being aware of her body when nothing is actually _wrong_ , but that is part of the point of this body. 

"I think so." Emori smiles with just the corner of her mouth. "Your body is supposed to mimic human reactions, so the nipples should ache a little. And you might want to touch them. Does that sound right?"

"Yes," says Artemis, thinking it over. "That sounds accurate."

"Good. How about--vagina, clitoris, other genital areas?"

"Aware of them, no strong sensations at the moment."

Emori nods. "Okay, that's probably good."

Artemis takes a few steps, aware of the different ways the human-like body registers the sensations. It was not, of course, as if she did not know where her body was and was it was doing, but she knew that because of an understanding of her body, without needing tactile input.

Being organic must be overwhelming, although they would be used to it.

"Still good?"

"Yes."

"We have a while, I don't know if you want to try out other stuff now."

She is blushing again. "How would I try out other stuff?"

"I assume you know how human sexual organs work. This casing is programming with sensitivity in the breasts, particularly the nipples, the clitoris, and the vagina. We can add other areas if you want more, but those are the three basics. The important things to figure out are whether or not they're properly sensitive, whether or not the sensitivity is pleasant, and if they're effective. You should be able to stimulate yourself."

"Oh," says Artemis, feeling silly. "I had forgotten that."

"I know it tends to feel more exciting with a partner, but solo works too. Although--" She taps her jaw. "If you're willing to do it here where I can see, that would be safer. If something goes wrong, I'd like to know right away."

"That would be safer." Her mouth goes dry, a new sensation that she will have to consider more later. "I am attracted to you. Is that a problem? I do not want things to be awkward for you."

Emori's eyes widen, and her cheeks darken further. Her breath quickens, but none of the reactions seem bad. All surprise, no distress. "Attracted to me?"

"Yes. You are my friend, but you are also--I like you."

"Oh." She wets her lips, a nervous reaction. "No, that's probably good? I'm attracted to you too, I was going to have some kind of physical reaction."

"It is a good casing," Artemis says, looking down at herself. "Aesthetically speaking."

"It is. But it's better with you in it."

"Oh."

Emori clears her throat. "You know, there _is_ something we need to test that you can't test alone."

"What?"

"Kissing. We don't know what the calibrations for that are like."

"So I need to find someone to kiss."

"Yes."

Artemis has seen kissing, plenty of times. Bellamy and Clarke tend not to do it much in the public parts of the ship, but sometimes they think no one is around, and Artemis has walked in on them. She has seen Bellamy kiss other people, too, has seen Miller and Monty kissing, and Raven and Gina. Even if she has no personal experience kissing she knows how it is supposed to go.

She reaches for Emori's waist, putting her new, warmer hands there, not worried the touch will be unpleasant. She can feel the texture of the cloth in more detail, and her skin beneath, familiar sensations that have become more intense with her new body.

"I have never had a crush before," she says. "But Madi says I am good at it."

Emori laughs, putting her own arms around Artemis's neck. It is not like holding a human must be; the connections between her limbs are metal, not flesh, the most obvious tell that she is an AI, but if Emori minds, she shows no signs of it. "You seem good at it so far."

Before she leans in, Artemis takes two seconds to do one final search on kissing, just so she knows what she should be doing, and then she does it, pressing her mouth against Emori's slowly, carefully. 

Obviously, it is not exactly like kissing would be, if she were human. But it seems pointless to focus on identifying differences between what a human would be experiencing and what she is experiencing, when the important thing is deciding whether or not her experience is good. Especially since figuring that out is part of why they are kissing in the first place.

But also because they want to. That is important.

The sensation of kissing is pleasant. The closeness and the warmth are good. While her brain does not have endorphins, Raven has given her small, electric thrills, an enjoyable tingle that goes from her mouth to not only her brain, but her genitals, making her eager to keep going.

Raven is very, very good at what she does.

"How was it?" Emori asks, mouth still close to Artemis's. She can feel her breath, quicker and deeper than usual.

"I will need more information on how exactly the functionality is supposed to be, but--I enjoyed it."

She laughs. "Good first step."

"This is for data too. Not just fun. But it is very fun," she adds. "Even if we were not testing, I would want to do it."

"I think as long as you're enjoying it, the functionality is good," Emori says. Her fingers are playing with the hair at the base of Artemis's skull, and it sends strange tingles across her skin, little bursts of electricity. "It's just if it gets to be too much."

"There is also some--culture shock," Artemis says, even though it does not feel like exactly the right word. "I am adjusting to the new body, so everything is overwhelming. And you are here."

"Should I leave?"

Her voice is teasing, but Artemis still tightens her grip on Emori's waist. "No, please." She tries out a smile, not sure what it will look like. She will have to practice in front of a mirror, to get it right. "I have been looking forward to seeing you."

"Me too. I was trying to figure out how to ask about this."

It had been a possibility, but a remote one. "You were?"

She thinks about it for 4.4 seconds. "I was curious, I guess? If you were organic, I would have definitely been flirting harder. But you don't have to be organic to be interested. So once you started talking about the body, I started getting my hopes up."

"You were part of why I wanted the body. Madi called you the inspiration."

"The inspiration?"

"I had not thought about getting a body with human-like processes before. There is something--" She flexes her hand, reconsidering the phrasing. "I am an AI. I do not want to be a human. There was a part of me that felt as if wanting this body was wanting to be something I was not, but--it is not a human body. It is _my_ body, and I feel more like myself in it. The things I want have nothing to do with wanting to be human; they are experiences I want to have."

"Good. I think we might want to wait on further testing until you're used to the body. I figure you won't overload walking to the cafe, right? The sensations aren't that strong."

"No." She pauses for half a second. "Did Raven leave because she knew you were interested in me?"

"Not just because of that. She made sure that I was okay with doing adjustments, she said she could if I couldn't. I guess I told her I could handle it a little too quickly."

It is an excellent collection of data points. "So it is for functionality and fun for you too."

"It is."

"Good." She tugs on Emori's hips, getting her closer. "I think I could use some more data on the kissing. Just to make sure it is working properly."

"I think we can make that happen," says Emori, and pulls her back down.

*

"I can't believe you're leaving us to get laid," Bellamy teases. 

Artemis rolls her eyes, which is a new expression she is very much enjoying. "That is not the only reason I am leaving you. It would be inconvenient if anything went wrong with the new body when we were in transit. You and Clarke could not deal with it."

"We couldn't," Clarke agrees. "We can let Artemis and Emori work the kinks out."

Bellamy groans. "Mercury and Venus, how long have you been waiting to use that one?" 

"No comment. I know she's really trying to avoid Hector."

That is teasing too, so Artemis does not worry. "I like him more every day. At the current rate, I will enjoy spending time with him by the time you are coming back through Amaterasu."

It is mostly a joke; Hector still might not be an interesting to interact with as adults or even Madi, but Artemis does enjoy him. She has already asked Hera to keep her updated with new words he learns, and everyone on the ship will send her more videos than she needs of him toddling around the ship.

She will miss him; she will miss all of them. They are her family. But families do better when they are allowed to grow, and hers is expanding at a healthy rate. Emori may not be a part of it yet, but she could be. Artemis thinks she will be.

"You are not really worried I am not coming back, are you?" she asks Bellamy, cocking her head. "This is not me abandoning you."

"I'm not worried about that. And if you need to leave, you can."

His tone is completely even, and there are no physical signs of tension or dishonesty. "Are my sensors not working?"

"I don't know. Why wouldn't they be?"

"You do not appear to be lying."

"Wow, I tell you that you can leave and you decide you're broken? Am I that bad?"

"You did make her just to hang out with you," Clarke says. "But I don't think he's lying."

Bellamy crosses his arms over his chest. "I'm not lying. If you decide you want to live on Amaterasu, you should. We'd need to make sure you had a cover story and a plausible owner, but Raven could do that if you wanted to live here." He rubs the back of his neck. "I love you, you know I love you, but--you're grown up, honestly. If you want your own life, you deserve one."

"I like my life being with you," she says. "But I am looking forward to spending a few months on my own."

"With your girlfriend," Bellamy corrects.

"Away from you and with my girlfriend. I think it will be an interesting experience. But the _Pantheon_ is my home, and you are my family. No matter what else happens, that is my starting point. I do not know how much is going to change, but that does not."

"Seriously, what part of _I'm good with this_ was unclear? You already told me you could tell I wasn't lying." He puts his arm around her and squeezes, which she likes even more in her own body, with its sensitivity and fondness for touch. Somehow, it even knows the difference between affection from Bellamy and affection from Emori, although Raven insists that is not an actual feature of her programming. She says that Artemis knows herself.

She might even be right.

"I know that if you leave the ship, you're not leaving the family. I'm actually pretty well-adjusted these days. You don't have to take care of me all the time. I'm your big brother, it's my job to take care of you."

"I do not need taking care of."

"You don't," he agrees, with a smile. "So you can hang out here, get laid, and if you decide you want to stay, you can stay. I'll be okay. Time for us to take care of you for a change."

"You always take care of me. It might be time for me to take care of myself. But that does not mean leaving the _Pantheon_. Not yet, or maybe ever."

"So, like I said, you're just leaving us to get laid. I never said it was a bad thing. This is a pretty good reason to leave. New girlfriend, new body, figuring yourself out."

"I think I am getting close," she says. "To myself."

"Yeah? So we'll see you in a couple months, and you can tell us all about it."

There is a part of her that is anxious, that cannot stop thinking about things that might go wrong without her. If there was an accident, if they _died_ \--

The odds are very low. It is incredibly, unspeakably unlikely. And if something did happen, the odds would also be low that she could help. As much as she would hate if she was the only one of her family to survive some awful thing, it would do no one any good if she died with them.

And it is not going to happen, statistically speaking. They will be back in a few months, and she will be happy to see them. If she wants to rejoin the crew after, she can, and even if she does not, they will still come through Amaterasu regularly.

"I will tell you everything except how much sex I have," she says, obedient, and Bellamy grins. 

"Perfect." He gives her another squeeze. "Okay. You going to come say bye to everyone else?"

"I will be in almost constant communication with at least one person on the ship."

"And?" says Clarke. "That doesn't mean you're not leaving. Come on, you don't get that many times when your family all hugs you and tells you they love you. I don't care if you're coming back, it's a big deal."

"It is," she agrees, and dutifully goes through the ship, saying goodbye to everyone. She leaves Hector for last, takes him in her arms and studies him, recording every vital statistic so she can compare them when she returns. She would like to be sure he has developed appropriately the next time she sees him.

"You have a good home," she tells him. "And people who love you. This is a good family, and I am not leaving forever. I know you are too young to remember this conversation. But I think we might have it more often, so I want to start practicing. I might be the kind of sister you only see sometimes. More than Octavia. Maybe more than Madi. I do not know where she will end up. But wherever we are, we will all love you. No matter what."

He does not respond, because he is a baby. But he coos and smiles, and she smiles back.

"I love you, and I will love you for your entire life. If you ever need anything, I will cross the entire universe to help." She kisses his forehead, another bonus of her new body. "And I will see you in two months. You will not even remember to miss me. But I will miss you."

"Art!" he says, and she smiles.

"Art," she confirms. "Be good, Hector."

She watches the _Pantheon_ leave alone, although Emori had said she would be happy to join her. It seems like the kind of thing she should do alone. The feeling belongs only to her, not _loneliness_ , she does not think, but the awareness of being on her own. No Bellamy, no Clarke, no Hermes or Madi.

Artemis, alone. 

Her communicator received a message from Madi before the ship is even out of sight: _I just realized I have to deal with Gareth WITHOUT YOU_

Not alone, then. Not really. Not with a family like hers.

**Artemis** : You will be fine  
Anecdotally, I have found crushes work out well  
Based on very limited experience

**Madi** : Easy for you to say  
It's weird, not having you here

**Artemis** : Weird for me too  
But good, I think  
We can survive this

**Madi** : Really good  
I'm happy for you  
We all are  
And I know you're not leaving forever  
But it's cool that you know you can leave  
And we'll all be okay

**Artemis** : Yes  
I believe we will

The sun is shining, warming the sensors on her synthetic skin. The breeze is pleasant and no one looks twice as she walks back to Raven's, just another AI on some business of her own, a normal sight here. Her differences are all subtle, secret. No one has to know what she is like but her. They can go on thinking whatever they want. 

After all, Artemis knows exactly who she is.


End file.
